As the time got closer to us leaving for Lucys surgery I could tell there were a lot of mixed emotions in the house.  Lucy was preparing in her own way, Garrett said he was fine with us going he was going to just try to get through those days and Nolan was struggling with us leaving.  I tried to work hard preparing the house in any way I could.  I made sure there were things prepped for school lunches, I made extra meals for the boys and my dad to eat, I made plans for rides, playdates for Nolan until Garrett and Grandpa got home and made sure the schedule was all written down on the fridge.  It was exhausting.  Nolan was extra clingy and came home early from school one day with a tummy ache.  We think it was a nervous tummy ache because we were getting ready to leave.  I feel bad leaving the boys.  This is now the fourth surgery and fourth time we have left them.  I sometimes worry about how they process this and if they will have long term feelings about this.  I was recently putting Nolan to bed, and he brought up Grandma.  He told me how he misses her and how she is in heaven now.  I said yes, she is in heaven and then asked him to share some of his favorite memories about her.  He told me some of his favorite memories were how she helped him with his schoolwork when we were in Wisconsin for Lucy's surgery, she likes to watch him ride the minibike, she liked to play rummikub, she liked to do puzzles and she liked coloring and was really good at it.  I loved listening to him talk about her and I am so glad he has memories of her.  I think about how one of his favorite memories of Grandma is his time with her while we were gone.  I have to think that the boys are sad we are gone but I am also giving them time to make wonderful memories with their grandparents who have all helped while we have been away.  JJ's parents have come to help twice, and the boys have stayed with my parents and this time my dad will come be with them.  It is hard to be apart, but I also know it isn't that long and we will all be ok.  I know my dad is really excited to come spend time with the boys and I am so grateful for his willingness to help.