Sunday morning as I was getting ready my dad called me and asked if he could come to church with me.  I was glad to have him join us and sit with us during church.  I know going to church alone, without mom, is so hard for him.  I am glad he reached out to me and felt comfortable coming with us to church.  It was our fast and testimony meeting because of conference weekend the week before.  My Dad got up and shared a sweet testimony of how miraculous his conversion to the church was.  It was such a miracle he meet mom and was introduced to the church.  I know our whole family is forever grateful for mom and her missionary work.  Lucy also shared a sweet testimony about her promptings to have another surgery.  Towards the end of the meeting a man got up and shared that he recently had a stroke.  He said the quick thinking of a friend and early intervention medically saved his life.  He went on to share the things to look for when someone is having a stroke.  It was so hard to hear and made me feel so sad and uncomfortable.  JJ teared up on the stand and I noticed my dad put his head down and kind of shake it.  This man doesn't know me or anything about how I lost my mom.  It was just hard to hear and all I wanted was for this sweet man to sit down.  I wasn't sure what my dad thought of it.  After the meeting was over and the kids had gone to class my dad made a comment to me and JJ about it.  He said that he knows it was mom's time to go, I can't remember exactly what he said but I was thankful to hear him say something like that.  I was afraid his feelings were hurt but I am glad he was ok and not bothered.  I teared up and agreed with him, telling him I also know it was moms time to go.  After church a friend came up to me and mentioned the testimony of the man.  She asked how I was and said she couldn't help but think of me as he was speaking.  I told her it was really hard for me to hear but knew that he meant no harm.  She agreed and said yes, that man has no idea.  Dad took my kids home and had lunch with them while I briefly practiced with a women's choir for easter Sunday.  I am glad dad came to hang out.  He went for a nice car ride with Lucy in her car.  They put the top down and enjoyed driving some back roads nearby.  It as a beautiful afternoon and Lucy said Grandpa talked the whole drive.  Mom was on my mind all day.  I had the opportunity to talk about mom with a friend.  We were just a few days shy of the 4 month mark of her passing.  It seems like just yesterday I was with her but also feels like so long ago I heard her voice.  I really do know it was her time to go, it was to early for her as well as all of us.  I know someday I will understand why she left us so early.  I bought a solar flower for her a few weeks ago and have wanted to take it down to her grave.  We were heading down that way to be with Christy and her family and decided to make a quick stop.  Seeing my dads tender temporary marker made me tear up.  He loves her and misses her so much.  The last time I was at her grave it was all covered in snow.  This time it felt like spring, the trees were blooming and so were some daffodils planted by some headstones.  I know spring is her favorite season, she would love to see everything blooming.  This fall we are going to plant some bulbs by her headstone.  I put my solar flower by the roses my dad placed there.  After we put the flower in we all stood there and just looked at it.  I started to cry and so did everyone else.  It just still doesn't seem right she isn't here with us.  I know my kids miss Grandma so much.  I am glad we were able to go as a family.  I think it is important for the kids to mourn with me and for me to mourn with them.  I asked for a few minutes by myself and knelt down by her grave. I wanted to talk with her.  My dad says he goes by and talks with her all the time.  I knelt there and told her I loved her.  I told her that Nolan was going to be baptized next weekend.  I told her I hoped she would be able to come be with us.  I told her we miss her and still think about her all the time.